I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
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I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
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Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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