Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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