my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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