It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So much Jack, so little girl.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
