my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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