no, he came in my armpit
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Randomize
