A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We have started to decorate penises.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
