why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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