My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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