you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
