hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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