A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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