Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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