well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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