i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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