everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
why do cheetos always look like penises
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
