one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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