id be glad to
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
