Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
