Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
