Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
