I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
