Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
