Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Sorry about my life...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
