Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
