I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
