Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
