Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
