I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
