The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
