she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
