Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I still have a little drunk in my system
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
