Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
