But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
