Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
