I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
