My brain says no but my pants say off.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize