you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
