My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
