from now on my penis is your penis
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
