Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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