I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i came on her dog
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
