Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
