We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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