The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
