I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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