saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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