Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
