I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
