I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
