it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
How does one acquire holy water?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling