Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂