so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
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So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
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Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers