his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
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I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
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They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.