i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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