The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
