Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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