he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
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I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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