If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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