I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
