I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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