Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize