i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Please don't give away my fajitas
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
