Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
