How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
