the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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