my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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